July 28th
My ability to sleep continued to be terrible. The biggest issue for me besides trying to sleep in an ICU, was that I couldn’t turn to my side to sleep because of the pain it would cause to my abdomen. I was also terrified to sleep for fear I wouldn’t wake up. I vividly remember dreading the night. I would become increasingly anxious as I watched the clock tick towards dinner time. I had visitors in and out all day long (including my favorite little boy!) to keep me occupied and distracted. If I was lucky enough to fall asleep for a few hours, I was always woken up in the early hours of the morning for a blood draw. Then I would just stare around the room, hoping whoever was with me, Steve or my mom, would hurry up and wake up already! I was desperate not to be left with my own thoughts.
We were able to celebrate my mother-in-law’s birthday in the hospital courtyard and I was able to see my dog, Dax! I remember being so excited to have these small reprieves from the ICU, but also by the time I got to the location I was already exhausted and wanting to go back to bed. It was so frustrating.
July 29th
Everything was looking like I would be discharged today. My WBC count was almost back within normal range, my last echo of my heart looked good, I was walking on my own all the way down to the courtyard without a wheel chair. I was so disappointed when we approached dinner time and I still hadn’t been discharged. My big accomplishment was that I showered mostly on my own with just a little help from the nurse. It had been decided that I would be able to be discharged to home without going to rehab. I was capable of taking care of myself and we would have a lot of help taking care of Cal.
One of my trauma surgeons from Paoli came to visit me. She was thrilled to see me walking and talking, considering where she had seen me just 2 weeks prior.
July 30th
My WBC was basically back to normal and they had figured out an anticoagulation med in pill form to put me on so that I didn’t have to do daily injections like I had been receiving in the hospital. I needed to stay on them for a few months while the blood clots in my groin, from the ECMO placement, dissolved.
I was finally discharged that day, along with Cal. I was overcome with emotions when I got in our car that day with our perfect baby boy. The ride home was painful with every bump, but I didn’t even care because I was so excited to get home.
That night, I figured out a way to prop my stomach with pillows so it didn’t hurt to sleep on my side. I slept for 14 hours straight. Over the course of the next month, I had daily nurse visits to pack my incision which didn’t close completely.
There is so much trauma and emotion that comes from not being able to see the birth of your baby, not meeting your baby for several days, and then not being able to take care of your own baby for months. That’s a topic I’ll save for future posts.
For now, I am grateful my son and I are both alive and well. As long as that is the case, I will continue to fight for moms who aren’t as lucky. I will continue to fight through the hard days. I will continue to survive.
If you are looking to learn more about Amniotic Fluid Embolisms, the rare complication I experienced with the birth of my son, please visit AFEsupport.org.
